My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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