Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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