After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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