I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize