I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
