FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
