i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
