Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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