Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
