I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
