shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
3 2 1 whiskey
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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