He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The struggles of a small town man whore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
