Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
