trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
