between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
