I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think a kid would responsible me up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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