um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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