sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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