the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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