May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
