Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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