The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
