Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
