saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
