Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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