if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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