I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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