It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
