I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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