Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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