we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
