Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
