I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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