I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
