the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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