Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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