I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
