Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize