last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
