You work out of a Hotel?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
