I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the day after is always just damage control
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
