I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
