is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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