fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
