Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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