My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
