It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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