I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
pop tarts are not kleenex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
