where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
