my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
