I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
