Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
