I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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