dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
