I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
