Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
