we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
