Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
