if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
