At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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