i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I deserve this hangover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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