My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did I show you my penis last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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