toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
