wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
